


Purify

by Spaghettibopp



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Cutting, Gen, References to Depression, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-01
Updated: 2018-01-01
Packaged: 2019-02-26 10:18:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13233633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spaghettibopp/pseuds/Spaghettibopp
Summary: In the moment, it feels like she is cleansing herself.(TW for descriptions of self-harm)





	Purify

**Author's Note:**

> Again, serious warning for cutting

In the moment, it feels like she is cleansing herself. At least, that’s what the thoughts tell her. Every cut is supposed to represent another disgusting thing about her being purified. Yuri is being punished, after all. And this punishment marks her way to salvation.

Of course, there is excitement in it too. She can not quite ignore the thrill that comes with every new cut, the way her heartbeat speeds up in time with the stinging. It reminds her that she is here, that she is real. She can watch the blood collect into beautiful beads, wondering how they would look as a necklace, if she ever dared. The iron smells nearly comforting when her violent slashing is done. Such an aroma helps create an atmosphere perfect for sitting and admiring the beads collecting and creating a mess on her arm.

If the option is available, Yuri will shower to help cleanse the blood. Carrying tissues all the time can get tiring, and it takes forever for the blood to dry enough that she can scratch off the dark flecks. The water stings the wounds, corrupting the pure water with a light red until it gets thrown to the drain. It is usually then that Yuri’s mind changes.

The thoughts telling her that she would be better after cutting now berate her for it. They call her a monster, with horrendous marks to prove it. The angry red lines glare at her for days after, reminding her that she is a wreck of a person. Her arms are not battlegrounds for her to fight in; they are bars to a jail she creates herself. She hides them as best she can, knowing what her friends would call her. Could she even call them her friends? She never does anything for them. She is too shy, too awkward to really participate in conversation. She just drags them into her mess of problems and pushes them out when they get too close. If they found out, then Yuri could only imagine how repulsed they would be. She’s a monster, after all. See, she has the marks to prove it. She can show off these marks and be rewarded with insults and laughter and names and a push even farther from the ‘normal’ kids. Even the outcasts wouldn’t want her.

Yet-

….

And yet, Yuri still cuts. In the back of her mind, she knows the consequences. She knows what comes after the high. She knows what might happen if she is caught. And yet she hurts herself anyway. She feeds the raccoon, praying every day that it will remain hidden. _Just one more time._ She can’t quite explain why, but even when she knows what will happen, she is drawn to the blade anyway. So no time is the last time. No, no, it just gets worse. More cuts more frequently. This is her failure, and she cannot stop it. She has given up trying. She lets the urges overtake her, riding out highs and lows until all she feels is numb. 

-End-

**Author's Note:**

> Written December 31, 2017
> 
> (With Doki Doki out, I can now stop writing (unposted) dark stuff for Love Live.)  
> I do not condone self-harm, and _highly_ advise against it


End file.
